The House

Before heading to London I had cancelled my lease. I felt fed up with the place and the high rent. And part of me longed to go back to the US. But part of me felt I needed another try and feeling at home in this country that is my origin.

So the plan was to go up North where I grew up and rent there and see how it goes.

So right after London, I attended another one of these breathing afternoons.

I know it sounds strange, but laying on my back breathing and letting all the things go, has each time given me clarity and trust in myself and the future.

And again I felt stronger, happier and even keeled coming away from this experience, heading up North, with the kiddo in tow.

I had scheduled looking at rental apartments and two flats to potentially purchase.

Then this house showed up in the listing and I thought, oh the price is good and it does look as one could live in there. Most houses in my range would have needed major renovations, which was not something I wanted to get into.

But this one had a good amount of land and was not in too bad shape, at least the pictures presented it that way.

As I walked through the house and listened to the real estate agent, I felt calm and present. The neighbors own chicken. As I always wanted to own chickens, this was the next best thing. The house presented itself as the pictures had implied. It was old, no question there, but well maintained and essentially move in ready, more or less.

We sat on the terrace and looked out over the yard and I knew I wanted it.

After having it checked out to avoid surprises I made an offer and got the house.

Emma kept asking me if I am sure this is what I want to do, and I told her it was the right place. It has an upstairs I could rent out and gives me a chance to find out if living in the "boonies", having to drive everywhere and garden is my thing.

The neighbors are nice and helpful and every morning I look out over my yard, watch the birds and feel strangely content.

Now off course there was a lot to do right before the holidays to get it ready for me to feel comfortable and host Christmas. And I still teeter totter between "What on Earth am I doing buying an old house" and "I feel comfortable and dare I say Happy here".

There was and still is a lot of ups and downs. Moving away from my workplace and hoping I stay relevant and visible from afar, still makes me anxious when I think about it too much.

Saying goodbye to a few friends, not forever but still moving away means no more Friday night walks with the dogs, or heading to the Theater together on a random Sunday.

Oh and there is my mom. She has been supportive. Coordinating the moving company on arrival, cleaning and painting before moving in and calming my nerves when it all felt too overwhelming.

But she also has been bossy, trying to tell me how and what to do and not always considering my boundaries or feelings.

I started carving out a bit of me time, trying to make new friends and going for walks on the beach with Rags.

All in all it still feels right, but at times I wonder if this really can be the place for the long run, perhaps there is no long run. Typically every three years or so I get restless and I am only three Month into this adventure.