Travels in 3 Parts

Part 1 Emma is graduating

Travel Day

Where to start? The first leg of the journey went well we made it on time via train and bus to the airport, checked in bags and through passport and security reasonably fast. And then we had to present our travel docs yet again, so no time for coffee. On the plane I watched "Elemental", "Barbie" and "A pig named Babe", allowed myself to be all emotional and open to be lost in those stories.

JFK Airport was a trip! I decided to let Mama fare on her own and went through the citizen lane. It was atrociously slow, an hour of going back an forth in lanes, smiling at people before I finally made it. Got our luggage and tried to locate Mama, as I had lost sight of here in her line. At the same time realizing that she would not know how to answer where she was staying as I filled out everything for her.

Finally I spot her and the officer was nice and waved me off after Mama waved me to help. Instead he asked the next passengers in line to help translate our plans. Twenty minutes later and we finally both headed out into the airport.

Quick side note: We had decided to not ask Emma to pick up us, which would have been a 5 hour drive one way and booked a connecting flight, but had about 8 hours layover, and as I had booked it separate we had to recheck our bags and go through security again.

We easily enough found a place to store luggage, but I had to fill out a huge form on my phone take pics of passport and boarding pass and 55 dollar later luggage was stored. 

So off we went to find food and a place to sit down and chill, We took the AirTrain up and down different terminals, until I remembered that all the food is behind the security check-in. Which we could not go through yet as it was too early to check our bags back in. We arrived back to where we started and had Dunkin junk food and found a place to sit in the arrival hall.

Overtired and cold and several hours later we retrieved our luggage, self tagged the bags, drop off in 10 min, great. Looking forward to some shops, we got inline for security.

But at the entrance we were told to go downstairs instead, following the crowd 2 levels down, a basement feel, We got in the line there. It was not super long, but slow going.

40 min of endless walking in narrow lanes, commotion. some passengers getting antsy for missing flights, cut the lane. A crew of Brooklyn Cheerleader girls followed suit. 

TSA agent is getting angry, telling us to go upstairs as they were shutting the lanes down. We protested that we were send down, getting asked huffily if it was crowded upstairs.

Well in the end he cut the line off and up we went, back to the start. 1 hour later, we finally made it through security. Noticing the rudeness of the girls working there. But realizing that it must be hard to deal with unhappy travelers all day long.

Then we walked past a lovely Irish bar and coffee shop, but without the time or desire to stop. Walked some more down two flights of stairs. at the gate, finally.

The small plane was loud and a bit rattling  and you could feel the pilot going fast then slow then fast again, as if driving in a car.

Once we landed, there was Emma waiting for us, with groceries and a hug!

We were so tired and happy to finally made it. We quickly send her home and went to bed.

Another side note: Emma is now driving corners fast and that night the roads seemed wet and shiny and it being cold, made me nervous...

The next day she stopped by, we giving her our gifts, she hanging out and yet I felt no longer important. Emma being absorbed in her feelings of this chapter closing and the sadness she felt about it. But also keeping us at a distance that allows her to start this new chapter without getting too attached to me.

She was friendly and kind but quiet. my tummy all in twists, wishing to be close to her, realizing I have to back off.

Still getting angry when Mama tries to help, wanting her to back off, so I can be the helper. Difficult emotions for all three of us to navigate.

After Emma left, we walked around the neighborhood and just hung out, still having an upset tummy and a pulled muscle in my back and feeling rather low that day.

I dealt with the thoughts of wanting to belong here, feeling more at home in the US and foreign at the same time... Reflecting on the past day of travel. There were good moments exchanging smiles and feeling a comradery of fellow travelers, stuck in an inefficient process.

And moments that let me to question if I acted weird, butting in on a semi private group of airport employees trying to take a video with holiday wishes.

They kept getting it wrong and us laughing with them, hopefully, maybe at them. I tried to convince one of them to let me help, wondering if I should have backed off earlier.

Dinner that night ,with Emma's dad went smoother then expected. Emma driving like a new Yorker!! OMG! We had greasy food, always helps one feel better, despite it not being good for you.

Graduation day!

We were all excited. My back being much better allowed me to work out that morning and Emma got ready with us. We all got dolled up, picked up her dad and went to Emma's college. It was so a joy to see her comfortable in this space.

The ceremony was speeches and waiting and then we saw her walk the stage. So proud of her accomplishments. And also happy for her to reach this goal. At the reception afterwards we met her advising professor. He was one of the reasons she decided on this college, by spending time with her when we toured the campus. He was quite funny but did not spend too much time with us. Sadly I did not get a picture with him and Emma. Her best friend accompanied us for dinner. Emma seemed happy and Mama tried Japanese food for the first time. It felt like a great day all around.

Jetlag knocked Mama out that evening, she kept falling asleep mid conversation, which made Emma and me laugh behind her back.

The next day I woke up at 4 am, full of thoughts. worked out again and after breakfast headed to mall with Mama. The uber driver was an old man with broken window car. But thankfully the drive was really short. the Mall was a huge one and crowded, but that meant we walked our steps that day. 

Mama loves looking at stores and we were content spending the day this way. The uber driver on the way back smelled like weed and blasted hip-hop so loud. Once back in the AirBnb we laughed so hard about that. We had bought wine but could not find a corkscrew, we googled alternatives and tried the scissors trick. It worked!

Unfortunately the wine tasted like vinegar.

A few days later we bought different wine and because the cork was plastic I ended up pushing it in and and sprayed wine everywhere including in our faces and the ceiling. We wiped everything away, but it was another moment to burst out laughing of the silliness of it all.

One of the following days we went to Emma's room to help sort through her things. She started crying and was emotional about packing up, so we backed off . She felt she could do it herself, especially since these are her entire worldly belongings and it felt a bit like we were invading her privacy. She also did not want to sleep in a packed up room for a week. We managed to come up with an alternate plan and had lunch bought boxes and left the packing for another day.

Mama's flu came back with a vengeance, so I was trying to ger her to rest so she would be well enough for the upcoming travels.

Niagara Falls

My mama decided to gift us and herself a trip to Niagara Falls, Emma picked us up and 2.5 hours later, having had Starbucks on the way we arrived. The hotel was proper fancy. 20th floor with a view over the falls.

We did the observation deck and had great weather. cold but clear and no crowds to be seen anywhere. We spent time walking around taking pictures and having a good time. 

We ended the day at TGI Friday for dinner, having cocktails and keeping the conversation light enough for all to feel happy in each others company. The falls are lit at night which was really pretty.

My nights became miserable though, sharing a bed with my mama, legs and back aching and lots of thoughts. But I pulled my big girl pants on and after breakfast we went down with cable car and explored the hydro station. Which to be honest I liked the best

There was a long tunnel and a great view to the falls. We took more pictures and had a big chuckle on my mama's expense. She read "washroom" getting excited thinking it is something where washing of something happens instead of it being merely a restroom. Hilarious!

We noticed it was gender neutral too, with each door having a Toilette and wash basin.

Canadian's are just getting it right. We browsed the souvenir shop and then head back to college town.

Packing Day Mama had a real bad day and opted to stay in bed, while I helped Emma pack her room. She must have really been ill, as she never does that. But I was grateful to have Emma to myself for one day.

As she had a class in the middle of the day, she dropped me off at a shopping center in between.

Without having Mama and Emma around me to keep my emotions in check, everything bubbled up. At Home Goods of all places. It is a bit comical really, browsing Christmas items, wishing for a life I don't have. Crying because I could not buy Christmas themed men's PJs. In that moment desiring a Hallmark thing. To decorate a house and buy gifts for a husband, gathering with a big crowd and being happy.

I had to leave quickly and went to Petsmart, talking to Jeremy, a beautiful black white cat. I must have truly come across as a crazy person, but it also allowed me to let go off some of the pent up feelings I had hidden away, and in hindsight I can laugh about it.

This could have been a movie moment!

Packing up Emma's room and dropping everything off to be shipped to her dad went off without a problem. 400 dollars later the 5 boxes were on their way. And in line a woman made me feel good by holding the door and being typical American, friendly and chatty . Something I miss so much, since I left the States.

That night Emma and I had dinner with her close friend and we dropped off things at her best friend before heading back to the Airbnb.

Part 2 Roadtrip

First drive went smooth. Emma listening to her music and driving, Mama falling asleep and we all drinking too many fancy coffees. At the End of the day though Emma felt that I was being judgmental about her music and clothes and everything. Which is true to a point, I don't enjoy her newest music taste that much and I find her hiding in her clothes a bit. But the truth is I should be more in tune to her vulnerability and sense that those are touchy topics. So when she had a bit of a melt down after 7 hours driving and rushing out the door for dinner, I should not have been surprised. I had backed off so much from her and as I was thinking aloud about what to do when I get to Tampa, she accused me to burden her with Mama and to not plan to spend time with her. We talked it out, me vowing to keep comments about her taste in music, food and clothing to myself, and assuring her that I would not load her Oma onto her, while I enjoyed meeting friends.

Inside I felt ashamed too, Mama might not understand everything we exchanged that night in English, but she felt the sentiment. And she felt rejected by Emma which made her desperate to be part of the things. Which in turn made Emma back off even more. I could not mend that the whole trip and feel guilty about it.

Mama felt it was her last chance to bond with the kid that Emma once was, not realizing that all she needed to do is show interest and not smother her.

I know my mama meant well and she did pull herself together more than I expected, but it left her feeling sad too.

We none the less finished the night with James on the D.C. night tour well and it was good outcome for a long day. Next morning breakfast was expensive and shitty but we had some coffee and a good shower so we all felt better. The stop in Fayetteville was uneventful except it rained most of the day. Emma plowed on, unperturbed, playing her music and for sure thinking about many things. We each stayed in our thinking bubbles.

The following day we arrived to Savannah. Here we took a two night break and enjoyed being tourists. The day was cold and clear and we explored the places within walking distance. I had booked a hotel right be the river and near the historic parts of town. We planned the next day over great dinner and cocktails.

The next morning we walked to Forsyth Park to a cafe recommended in some blog I found. On the way I suddenly remembered the book I read a while ago about this city.

I kept annoying both Mama and Emma with the story line and what great book it was.

Due to it being December the city was peaceful and quiet. The cafe had lavender latte and good breakfast. We were not able to ride the river on one of those steam engine boats, as it had mechanical issues, but spend a good hour soaking up the sun, while waiting to leave. The day ended with more good food and cocktails and off we went on the last leg of our trip.

Part 3 Florida!

Back home, odd feelings. memories mixed with feeling foreign, having been gone for two years. And yet, it feels to me more home than any other place I ever lived at.

Seeing one of my dear friends was a treat. She is pure love. While having breakfast we crammed thoughts and caring for each other into 1 hour. I am so excited that I will spend time with her this year, as she is visiting me hear in Frankfurt.

Shopping afterwards was exhausting. Mama feeling left out made her needy and it was too much. I tried to tell her, but my angry tone and accusation was just making her sad and so we went the whole day going in between trying to make it work and being upset with each other.

The following day though, she finally gave me and Emma some space. So I had a flying visit with Wonder Woman. My dear friend who is the strongest woman that I know and always positive. She is the person I most admire. This visit left me feeling uplifted and that night Emma and me enjoyed dinner with my rescue friend. again without Mama. We picked up where we left off and I felt at home and as I had never left. Her and I have such similar dreams that who knows one day we could own land next to each other saving four "leggeds" as it seems to be a good purpose to have in life.

The day before Christmas eve, 23rd, we relaxed at the house most of the day and then tried the Riverwalk. We enjoyed the walk towards Armature works, There were boats decorated in lights and people hanging around with their families to watch them cruise by. We just didn't feel the same Christmas spirit and on arriving at Armature works, we realized food was not an easy option, there. Too much of a crowd for the small stalls there. At this point quite "hangry" we speed walked the 4km back to the car and to eat somewhere else. At least we got our steps in!

In Florida we got to stay at one of my friend's house, while she was away. It is a nice and big enough space for us, but we had no internet the whole time, which also meant no TV really. Which made the days rather long, when we had no more conversation left. We had at this point spend more or less 2 weeks together and ran out of things to share with each other.

Christmas eve, we invited ourselves to spend at my yoga friend. What a blessing, she had invited more people. So it ended up being one of those nights, where you talk amiable with friends and strangers and feel safe and happy. It did not feel like Christmas but taking the perspective out of ones own brain and talking to other humans without the feel of it being weighted by the relationship helped feel more even again.

We had exchanged gifts the night before, because Emma could not wait. She is so cute when she is excited about sharing something. She got me PJ's and a Christmas globe with a dog inside. I felt loved. As I am writing this down here now, I am wearing the PJ. It makes me feel like I wear the flannel shirt of a guy and still makes me laugh every time I see myself in the mirror.

The great thing about being at a Yogi's house is that she is easy going and so mellow, My friend has always had a calming effect on me somehow. And off course having her Pitties around made my day even better. Miss Piggy was a sweet as I had remembered and the new addition Catie was a great breath of fresh air. I missed my dogs during this trip, despite being happy about not having to hustle up a the dawn of day to let dogs out.

Christmas day, still no internet and everyone on their phone. I kept thinking there had to be a way to be together, but I had no energy to engage them and make it happen. Days afterwards I was angry about this. I wanted, desired it so badly to be different. I got mad at them too, for not wanting more out of this day.

I did finally figure out how to screen share my phone to the TV and watched the British bake off. I think I was the only one truly excited about it, but the show provided the much needed distraction. We essentially each stayed in our cocoons. 

Boxing Day, going home day! Just Mama and me as Emma was going to stay behind with her dad. We had a quick breakfast and Emma dropped us off at the Airport.

Unfortunately I packed the Globe into my carry on, which is not allowed. And that after I called myself a travel pro. So Emma had to return to the Airport and grab it from me, with the promise to bring it in Spring.

Also Mama said she wanted to swim with mannequins instead of swimming with manatees. Another chuckle on her expense, but one she laughed at with us.

The connecting flight was so delayed that we got rebooked for the next day. So after hours at the airport, frantic messages to the dog sitter and my boss about the delay, Emma grabbed us again. We had dinner and not wanting to make a mess at my friends house we spend the night on the couch. We had already stripped the beds that morning.

Next day same procedure ( "as every year James" - Dinner for One ) and this time everything went off without a hitch.

My mom stayed with me until after New Years and the days were really quiet. I worked some, we had dinner and wine. We spend a day hiking and adding a flying visit to my uncle and aunt, Which was wonderful, until Rags peed in her living room.

And then 2024 arrived, just like this, 3 weeks passed so quickly and things will unfold this year I am sure of it. It feels like there is promise in the air.