Reflections

As I lay awake at night, my head once again turning to Grand Central Station, I am trying to bring calm to my heart.

Both my brother and I have inherited this trait of having thoughts take over. My dad battled this condition all his life and had only one remedy for it. I am grateful that both my brother and I have found healthier ways to deal with it.

My dad was never really able to, his path took the man he once was slowly away from his family. This has always been a hurtful fact for me, I have wanted him to overcome, to grow into the person I knew he could have been.

On the other hand my inability to accept him, to allow him to walk his own path, has brought a lot of distance into our relationship. Possibly unrealistic expectations have caused a rift that never quite healed and that is my greatest regret.

My core values were taught or inspired by my dad.

Kindness needs to be extended to all, including animals.

Great joy can be found by wandering through the woods

Judge people by their actions rather than their appearance or words,

Family comes first, always.

Live honestly and honorably, own your mistakes.

Going through pictures, seeing him young and even laughing are stirring mixed emotions. There once was a time in his life where he enjoyed company and sharing his thoughts. My memories are faulty and incomplete, so much is lost from all the transitions in my own life. Remembering him for the strong and resourceful man he was, providing for his family the best way he could.

I try to remember to tell Emma often how much she means to me. Showing her with my actions that no one is ever done aspiring to be a better person. It is important to have the hard conversations but also the loving ones. And hugs, hugs are most important.

Don't forget to hold tight often, just because...