Summer at the Baltic Coast

I left really early, even before dawn, one morning in July, heading to my workcation at my mum's place. The car packed with my things and of course Rags.

For once I listened to music, wanting my thoughts free to roam. At that time traffic is light and I love to ride like this in my car. Letting the emotions in the songs carry my mood and letting my brain go where it might want to.

As the sun rose on the horizon I noticed how my my heart felt happy, my eyes roaming over the landscape, soaking up the view of rolling hills, forests with dense tree population, wide fields ready for harvest. Seeing some hawks and crows along the road too. And once or twice glimpsing some storks in passing fields. I have always been fond of them.

Rags is not a great road trip guy. He on and off whines before settling again. He much rather stops and barks at all the random people at the rest stop, than sitting confined in his carrier for long stretches at a time.

On this journey there is plenty of time to think. My thoughts wandered to Emma, helping her finding a place. She was about to start her next University adventure. I remember hoping she will find friends and settle into the Netherlands. New beginnings can be exciting and daunting, and she deserves her bit of happiness.

At the same time I still wrestled with figuring out where I want to live and whether I really want a person to share my life with. Perhaps living in a community where I can fit in and not being so often alone would be a viable alternative.

Once I arrived, after some delay due to it being prime tourist season, my mum and I brought everything up the stairs (50 no less). And finally I was able to have a coffee and relax. My workcation could start.

That same night we visited Lydia, my mom"s friend and she adored Rags from the moment she laid eyes on him. He loved being the center of attention too. We talked amiably about this and that. It was nice to just sit and hang out.

Sunday we went over to Rike, another of my mum"s friends, to hang out in her backyard and to stroll along the beach. We had the most beautiful weather, just enough warmth to let your soul reset.

Wednesday we went and visited grandma. This was hard, she's not doing too great. She did not really recognise me. We dragged her outside but all she wanted was to go back to sleep. She could not enjoy sitting with me on the bench and I felt guilty for having exhausted her so much by insisting on getting her some fresh air.

Both my mom and I kept at her to drink more and take more bites of her food, once we returned inside.

That evening I thought alot about dignity. Should we force our elders to eat or drink when they really don't want to. Should we allow them to decide how they want to approach the last stretch of their life. To me it seems she rather not want much of life anymore, but her body is still relatively strong and won't let her leave. So she controls her intake as much as she can. She must still drink and eat enough, as she can still walk and has not needed to be put on an IV. Yet it feels when she drinks more she is more alert, more with us, so to speak. In the last three years she has slowly, bit by bit, withdrawn more and more. I so wish she was more with it, but then I am not there to fill her days either, so I should not have a say in this. And I want her to have dignity, she is not dement, not really, just withdrawn from our world. And as sad as it makes me, I want to be respectful to her too.

The weather on the coast can be unpredictable, and this year is not a sunny every day kind of summer. So our plans needed to be a bit flexible and adjust to the weather forecast. I had taken off Friday and Monday to have a long weekend to spend time with my mum, without the interruptions of work, lol.

We decided to go to a wildlife park on Friday and brought Lydia along.

On the way there it rained quite hard and we were unsure if we had made the right choice, but after having lunch right away the rain stopped and it was perfect. Very few people in the park and no more rain, just cloudy. Rags did better than I thought and my highlight were to cranes playing around courting each other. We also saw mice running back and forth, which was not one of the attractions, but it was so funny to us to see them, without anyone else noticing. We did see a lot of other wonderful creatures meant to be noticed. A few to mention: Albino deer, cute baby boar and sea otters.

Saturday we visited Grandma again and then in the afternoon mum and me went to see a bat cave. This is one of the largest in North Europe with a lot of different species and they go there in the winter for hibernation. It was very informative but sadly we did not see any bats.

Sunday we decided to go to the beach the weather was supposed to be wonderful. We brought Rags along and stayed much longer than I expected. It was a beautiful day not too hot and not too crowded either. I listen to my mum and Rike talking and felt quite peaceful and content. That evening Rags slept so hard that when I call for him, for his last round of potty before bedtime, he woke up completely confused. He looked back and forth several times before he realised where he was and what he needed to do. Salty sea air seemed to agree with him as much as it did with me.

Monday I finally kept my promise. We got the bicycles out and made our way along the coast. In hindsight I was glad I had not bought a basket for Rags, he would have taken me down hard, barking and jumping when we passed others.

What amazed me though was my mum, almost 70, let loose downhill and kept disappearing out of sight, going so fast. Whereas I nervously kept hitting the breaks. It had been too long that I sat on a bicycle. This absurdity of role reversion made me laugh out loud several times.

We did get rained on but that didn't stop us and when we reached the little Forest where my dad is laid to rest, I saw a frog hopping around and I almost stopped to take a picture.

My dad always spotted small animals and pointed them out when we were kids, and when I spot any animal it makes me happy.

We did take a break at his tree thinking about him and then headed back as we were quite wet, plus my bum started to feel tender. The tour was only about 20 km but it was still a wonderful little outing. We grabbed Rags on the way back and headed over to Lydia to then clean the bikes hang out and eat cake.

During my whole stay up North, Emma still did not find a room and I went between high anxiety feeling stressed to the tilt and trying to accept that the universe will provide for her. It is very hard to give up control and a few times I was being a bit harsh with Oma.

But we made it relatively peaceful for the two weeks. She enjoyed walking Rags and getting in extra exercise. And both of us enjoyed having company for dinner.

Thursday night we were invited to Betty, you guessed it another friend of my mom. She had invited is for barbecue and yoga. I taught a yoga session in the backyard, feeling a bit rusty but wonderful nonetheless. And I definitely overate, just could not stop myself. I met some of Oma's other friends for the first time, and was surprised by how nice the evening went.

Betty's garden is magical. She is an eclectic person and everywhere it felt cute and lush with plants and things to look at. She has a turtle too and I loved petting him and looking at him in pure wonder.

As I left Saturday morning very early driving into the sunrise once again I was a bit sad to leave this place. I grew up here, it's so familiar to my bones. Part of me wishes to live here again. But typical me, I just am not sure about it.